Swami Steve

Dear Friends,

Driving down from Flagstaff to Sedona, AZ, I passed through a colorful forest corridor surrounded by sheer  stone mountains. Truly a natural wonder. Sedona is considered one of the most spiritual towns in the US. It is built upon red rock that has an uplifting vibration itself. Many of the stores sell products and services designed to uplifts one's consciousness.

I arrived at the Ashram of Awakening, and Swami Steve and Solar greeted me cordially. I set up Swamiji's picture with a vase of flowers and then sat down to meditate with several others. Every weekday in the evening, Swami Steve invites people to the Ashram to meditate for at least an hour. The doors are open to everyone. After a beautiful satsang, chanting the Perennial Mantra, Hare Krishna, Swami Steve took me to a diner for dinner and told me about his ego dissolution and recreation of the personality. If there is no ego, then whose voice speaks? Swami Steve spoke with enthusiasm and animation, and I felt at ease in his friendly presence. As I did not have a place to stay, he called Cynthia to see if she could house me. She graciously provided me with a comfortable room and bed.

That night, I met Cynthia, a gentle and kind being who welcomed me into her home. It was full of crystals - her good friends. We went to a crystal shop and crystal bowl shop where we had the opportunity to enjoy the healing energy. Each crystal bowl, beautifully crafted with fine stone, had a tone that resonated with a particular chakra and had a particular healing quality. The sound was angelic and deeply healing.

Every day, I went to the Ashram of Awakening to meditate with Swami Steve. He took me in as a student. We spoke about the path to Enlightenment. One morning, as he was speaking to me, my left ear started to ring with an electric current. "Keep your attention on this sound," he said. "This is the key to deeper states of awakening." He continued, "Place your awareness on the navel in the center of the abdomen and feel the Presence. Notice that when you are in this space, you won't feel the wind." Swami Steve spent hours every day helping me to deepen my awareness. My meditation deepened, and my ability to sit in silence for long periods of time increased. I treasure the moments spent with Swami Steve.

One night, I had a satsang planned at the ChocolaTree, a restaurant dedicated to raising the consciousness of people. I asked the hostess where I would be sitting and she guided me to the Shivalingam, a large stone right near the main register and main pathway of the servers. I spread out my yoga mat and looked out at all the people who were eating their food and chatting. This was not what I had expected. Who would want to connect to the spiritual energy or listen to dharma talk while eating lovely food? Who tastes the depths of the soul while enjoying the taste of chocolate? I accepted these circumstances in the midst of the bustling room of the restauant. As I began to play the harmonium, a young man walked up and placed a dollar in front of me along with a note:

"Your harmonium blossoms exquisite joy into being, as you let your heart sing into the devotion of the one. The Universe thunders in your divine beauty. Do you see who you are? A creator god in a body of light, a temple of pure joy. A divine lover of the spaces between the spaces. You have become One."

Who was this mysterious young man who wandered the world? Who am I? The entire room was captured for a moment. "Let us chant 3 OM's together" I said, and everyone chanted in unison. After this magical moment, everyone went back to their eating and chatting, and I sang my heart out, surrendering to the Energy of the sound that vibrates through eternity.

The last day in Sedona, I arrived at the Ashram to say goodbye. Manna, Solar and Swami Steve were there. They wanted me to play and sing music with the harmonium. So I played in honor of Swamiji. The sweet music filled the room. We took pictures together, particularly inspired by Solar who reminded me of Santa Claus. Solar is deeply aware the Self and is a mostly silent guide for my own path. He gave me a blessing and then I set out on my way. Such deep gratitude and love I feel for all the beings at the Ashram.

Always at Thy Feet,
Brian

The path begins with "yes"

Dear Friends,

Arriving in New Orleans, I went straight to Swan River Community Center, a donation-only yoga center led by Haiyan, to hold satsang. Then Haiyan and I drove to his home where I stayed for a week. As we entered the neighborhood, he said that some people call this part of New Orleans "the hood." Well, I love the hood. Haiyan and his family welcomed me with love and kindness.

Another day, we walked through the hood. Haiyan would greet his various neighbors on the way who sat on the front porch socializing. We reached a large garden where Meredith was tending to the plants and picking vegetables. Haiyan picked a harmless looking pepper and said, "Take a bite." So I bit into it and my nose almost caught on fire and my head nearly exploded. The burning continued for a few hours as Meredith, Haiyan, and I walked through the French quarter all the way to the Mississippi River. There we sat on a bench and a flamboyant man approached us.

"Nice shoes," he said, addressing me. "Let me tell you about life." And then he gave me a satsang about the deep lessons of life. I sat there with a sort of stunned look. Had I asked for this? He certainly was delighted to have a captivated audience as he spoke his poetic words and then walked off.

That evening, Meredith took us to a meditation and potluck. We climbed up on the roof overlooking the the neighborhood at night. Meredith's kundalini teacher led the meditation. "Say the mantra, Sa Re Ga Ma Pa Da Ni SaTaNaMA So Say etc in one deep breath, singing it over 2 octaves. I will time it for one hour and two minutes. Let's go!" Oh boy, if I had known what this entailed, I would have skipped the meditation. My voice could not reach the low notes nor the high notes. I breathed so much that my rib started to hurt again. That rib muscle had hurt for months after a prolonged sickness and coughing.

The first 40 minutes of the meditation, I wondered when it was going to end. It seemed much longer than an hour and 2 minutes. The last 22 minutes of the meditation, I suddenly crossed over a barrier and felt renewed. The rest of the meditation was easy. As we completed, I burst out laughing and the laughter peeled across the town below. This madness went on for a few minutes, and then my mind plunged into deep meditation. Some time later, we climbed back down to the kitchen and ate our feast. It was a lovely time.

As I cross over my perceived limits, I realize new possibilities, and the fears and struggles of life dissolve. The ultimate path of Spirit is going beyond all limits. And the path starts with one step...yes.

With love,
Brian

A great friend

Dear Friends,

In St. Louis, I visited a holy place called Living Insights. Jack takes care of this rare place of pilgrimage. The primary relic is a large life-size statue of St. Therese of Lisieux which hundreds of people come to visit to ask for blessings. And indeed, hundreds of miracles are reported out of these prayers. The energy at Living Insights is so strong that I experienced deep meditation and healing just walking through the door. There are statues and pictures of many saints, bodhisattvas, gods, and goddesses from many spiritual and religious traditions.

I joined Jack in one of his morning rituals. We walked around the many rooms, lighting candles in front of the statues, chanting holy mantras, praying for the world, and honoring all the great saints and deities. There are sections representing Hinduism, Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Native American, Buddhism, and many more traditions. There are also crystal singing bowls that Jack plays, stunning the mind into deeper meditation. In the smallest room, we sat amidst hundreds of highly blessed crystals, pictures, statues, and other rare objects that heal the mind, body, and soul. Chanting "Om Namah Shivaya" 108 times, my mind settled into a state of deep peace, communing with the power of Shiva.

Jack has given his life and resources to keep Living Insights alive. He welcomes each person with love and friendship. His manner is kindly - always in service. Many are attracted to Living Insights just to be with him. There is no fee for coming to visit. People may donate to support the cause. Jack has dedicated his life to nurturing this sacred space. Every morning he honors the deities, thus bringing their presence alive so powerfully in each room. People have given Living Insights so many rare relics that many of them are hidden behind each other. I am touched by Jack's offering to the world. May many more people have the opportunity to visit Jack and this holy temple.

In gratitude for Jack, a great friend...

Brian

Every Body in the fire

Dear Friends,

On Sunday, at the invitation of a wonderful friend in St. Louis named Barbara, I attended a purification lodge also known as a sweat lodge. It is an old Native American tradition in which people sit together inside a tent structure, sweating in the heat from the rocks in the middle. The inside is in complete blackness.

Everyone submits prayers and songs in honor of the divine. As the sweat pours out of the body, we are purified together. The physical nature of the environment is quite intense. Many times, I wondered if I would leave the lodge. My mind focused mostly on the physical discomfort, but the singing and prayer were very helpful in keeping the mind more focused on the spiritual purpose. By the end of the 3rd round, I was lying on the ground where the air was coolest, shouting out some of the songs. The purification lodge is such a beautiful place to send the positive energy of prayer out into the world. The lodgers were so loving and compassionate. I was happy to be with them and share in such an amazing experience.

My mind interpreted the lodge as an austerity - a choice to go beyond the comfort zone of the ego. By breaking through my comfort zone, I feel more comfortable in a wider variety of experiences. I don't resist life so much because I have gone through the fire. This is part of the spiritual path. When even difficult physical experiences do not bring the mind to body consciousness, I feel great progress.

May all beings be blessed with the challenges of life.

Warmly,

Brian

Insecurity

Dear Friends,
   Recently I was speaking to a woman about why "bad" things happen to people. I said that the world revolves around karma. If you have done good, good will come to you. If you have done bad, bad will come to you. Her voice started to rise. "Well, what about the girl who is put into a prostitution situation when she is very young. Do you believe she deserves it?" "Well," I said, "in this case it would be best to bring compassion to the situation." "But you believe in karma," she said. "I'm not interested in arguing about it. In this situation, it would be nice to bring compassion and let go of the karma idea right now."
    I found the feeling of insecurity and fear coming up in my being. I wanted her approval and found that I was striving to get that approval the entire time I was visiting her. Even just a warm nod or the word "yes." Approval would somehow fill a void inside that said, "Maybe I'm wrong and I don't know what I'm talking about. I really want to hear approval from the outside world. Then I'll be whole and complete. If she likes me, I can like myself." Why did I want to convince her? Because I want to feel right. I want agreement. Then it would alleviate the feeling inside that says, "I'm wrong. I'm scared if others discover that."
     I also fear "attack." If someone reprimands me for what I've said, I feel like I've been a "bad boy." So I spend time always trying to appease the one who does not approve. I never talk back. In fact, my being usually shuts down and shirks in the face of "attack."
    I am very happy to meet this woman. If I surrounded myself with people who always agreed with what I said, these deeper feelings of insecurity and fear would never come to the surface to release. So she became the key to unlock a deeper part of the mind that I would need to see sooner or later.
    Oh Lord, please bring these challenges to me so that I may face my fears and insecurities. Otherwise, I will not be able to see You clearly. Oh Lord, I am ready to face my deepest darkness. Thank you for your Grace.

With love,
Brian

Bowing in humility

Dear Friends,
    Yesterday Uncle Ted, Aunt Madolyn, cousin Lizzie, and I picked apples from the trees in an orchard. Many of the trees bowed low to give the fruit. This is the spirit of Mother Earth. Humbly she bows in service to the humans and gives in abundance. That is why some people worship Her. She is the one who provides everything that the body is made of. How can we give back to Her? She has given so much.
    In the even, I traveled 2 hours north to Port Huron with Kailash, Krishnamoyi, and Atmaram to hold a kirtan at a retreat. I was planning to watch, but Atmaram asked me to sit with them and lead 2 songs. That was a surprise, and I was very happy to serve. The Energy was beautiful, and the people were so appreciative of the event.
    As we headed back, we were eating the apples that had been picked that morning. Aunt Madolyn had suggested I bring some of this delightful fruit. Atmaram explained the benefits of sharing kirtan - chanting of the Holy Names of God. Ask others to join in the music and practice together. Each person who joins in the practice becomes a servant of the Lord and also has the opportunity to immerse him or herself into the Energy. Then the music is not so much focused on a one person performance, but rather a community coming together to share in the Communion. Yes, each person is an aspect of the Divine. No one is higher or lower. The mind believes in separation.
    There is only One Being...infinite...whole...complete... Thank you, Swamiji!

With love,
Brian

The panic button

Dear Friends,
   Two nights ago, I arrived at my uncle's and aunt's home very early in the morning. Uncle Ted had promised open the door after I had rung the doorbell. So I brought my bags up to the front door and rang the bell. No one came. No lights. Just silence. I pressed the button again and used the knocker. No response. Wondering and waiting for a while, I walked back to the van and fell asleep inside.
    Then waking up, I went to the front door again and rang the bell. No response. Going back to the van, I crawled inside and accidentally pressed the Panic button on the keyring. The van started to honk loudly and repeatedly in the dead of the night. I dropped the key in the darkness and started to grope on the floor. Finally, I pressed the button again and the sound stopped. I froze on the floor of the car, wondering if anyone would come out to see what was happening. I remember the last time I was here a year ago. A neighbor was suspicious of a person in black hoodie doing yoga on the grass in the backyard and had called my uncle to report the suspicious activity. Now I was afraid... "not again." Here is the blog from a year ago: http://wanderfortruth.blogspot.com/2012/09/yogi-in-black-hoodie.html
    So I crouched for a while between the seats, watching for neighbors' shadows in the dark and listening for the sound of police sirens. No one appeared. So I crawled to the back and lay in bed until my uncle finally came out to get me. It was 3am. He had been in a deep sleep and had not heard a sound of the drama that had unfolded outside his door.
    Someone in my being, I have a strong fear of being embarrassed or humiliated. Why? Well, when I was young, I went through the same sorts of events and they made a deep impression on the psyche. Perhaps it is good to be embarrassed once a while...to find out, "What am I scared of?"

With love,
Brian