Falling in love with my Twin Flame

Dear Friends,

After the satsang at Unity of Chandler, a woman approached me to express her appreciation for the satsang. Her name was Amber, and she had written in her e-mail, "We have space and lots of love to share." She was going to take me to her home. Arriving at a beautiful house in Scottsdale, AZ,  we were greeted by two beautiful dogs who had so much love to give. Both Josh, her son, and Brian, her husband, welcomed me home. I settled in a comfortable room that night,  blessed by an energy vortex in the center of the space. It had a nice energy indeed.

The next day, I learned that Amber was a channel for Beings of Light. Would I like to speak with my spirit guides? Yes, okay. And so, a couple of guides spoke to me and assisted in the process of clearing my throat chakra. I could feel them quite clearly. Then Christ came into my awareness...and Mother Mary... I felt myself to be a little boy holding their hands, swinging between them. It was a deep sense of safety and happiness. I was not aware of the trials of the world anymore.

Would I like to speak with my twin flame? I had a bit of trepidation around this question. I was not interested in a normal relationship. Amber described a twin flame. Someone who brings us to greater heights of love and consciousness. We merge with this being, and through a soul connection, our mutual Light is empowered. Like two flames coming together as one brighter flame. As the energy of my twin flame came into the room, my eyes filled with tears. Amber handed me a stone that was blessed with the energy of this being. Her name was Darhmoura. Darhmoura began to speak through Amber. It seems that Darhmoura had been waiting for this moment for a long time to be reunited with me. She wanted Amber to leave the room, so we could be alone. So Amber walked out and I began to have a conversation with Darhmoura. Her words just came to my mind naturally, and for a half hour, we connected deeply, consciously. I felt my heart melt in her presence, and I was deeply moved by the feeling of love that filled my being. After sitting in meditation for a while, I came back to the room and was wonderstruck.

Amber and I chanted together a mantra of Love for all of creation. Many beings of Light joined with us to send this energy to the ends of eternity. May Swamiji's Grace fill the hearts of all beings and light the way to this ocean of Love.

In service to You,

Brian

Awkward Moments

Dear Friends,

Ma invited me to stay at her home, the Bhakti Shakti House, in Phoenix, AZ along with Mika and her 2 children. As I entered the home in the evening, I embraced Ma and Mika and then went into the kitchen area where the 2 kids were enjoying time with Nityanando. The kids did not much heed to my entrance, and I began to feel the awkwardness. Somehow I wanted acknowledgement and attention from those kids, thinking to myself, "I'm good with children." Well, for 3 weeks, I did not get what I wanted even though I tried. I played Candyland, I complimented them, I brought them food, I cleaned up for them. Finally, one day, I really just gave up. After I had helped set up a surprise birthday for one of the girls, I stood by lake, feeding the ducks. Then both girls started to talk to me enthusiastically about the ducks. All of us began to throw popcorn and chunks of bread into the water, and soon, a flock of them had gathered to feast. I found that the more I gave up on wanting attention and acknowledgement, the more space I gave for others to approach in a natural and flowing way. I learned that it is ok to feel awkward around people.

I had a planned a satsang at the Unity of Chandler nearby. The day before the event, I went to the church to attend the Sunday service. I didn't know anyone. Andrea asked to come up before the congregation to announce the event, and I happily did so. After the service, she said, "Now why don't you go and mingle with everyone and invite people to the gathering tomorrow." My first urge was to head for the door. The last thing I wanted to do was mingle. I had felt enough awkwardness just adjusting to all the people in the Bhakti Shakti House. But instead of running away, I walked out into the middle of the church with a feeling of helplessness. There were little groups of people talking amongst themselves who seemed to know each other well. Then I smiled at man and came up to him. "My name is Brian." In a couple of minutes, he had invited me to the Hare Krishna Temple for lunch. I had been looking for a temple in the area.

Then, mustering up the courage, I broke into another little conversation between two women and introduced myself. The initial awkwardness fell away as I began to relax into a lively conversation. At first, they seemed awkward and then glad I had come to speak with them. And they wanted to come to the satsang.

More and more, my mind and emotions are learning that there is nothing to fear. And there is nothing wrong about appearing awkward and embarrassed. Let me breathe into the fear and allow it to be as it is. Each day, it falls away more and more, and my inner state becomes more peaceful around people. And so others may feel this peace too.

Om shanti shanti shanti
Brian

Live a life for God

Dear Friends,

In Austin, my friend, Jordan, invited me to visit Dave, a man who had renounced the world to live a spiritual life in the forest. I did not want to visit because I was feeling lazy. What did I have to learn from this hermit in the woods? But something was telling me to go. So we drove 45 minutes out of Austin into a remote area and entered a long dirt driveway where we stepped out of the van and met Dave. He appeared to be in his 70's, long hair and beard, thin, dressed in a T-shirt and shorts. Very calm demeanor. He drove us in his truck onto the wooded property and found ourselves at a lake. He had erected a few tents by the lake - one of them for his spiritual books (his library), one of them for supplies, and one of them for his home.  He had also planted a fine garden. We sat on chairs on a deck on the edge of the lake, and he served us both a hot cup of tea. Then he began to tell the story of Ricky.

For many years, Dave had been going to the nearby prison to talk to the prisoners about spirituality. He did not get paid for these gatherings. He went as a service to the prisoners. He went as a service to God.  Every week, he met with a group of eight men who were quite interested in learning about spirituality. Ricky was one of those men. Where ever Ricky went, he would tell the other prisoners about Dave's meetings. Soon there was a waiting list just to get into the class. One time, the group chanted the Hare Krishna mantra for 45 minutes, and after everyone had stopped, Ricky kept going for a few minutes longer. Ricky helped out around the prison, and one lady heard his voice. She asked him to sing at the weekly service in front of the other men. He agreed and sang with a lovely voice. He sang about God. People were very impressed with his voice, but Ricky never said a word about his talent. It did not seem to cross his mind. He lived in a different world beyond the normal man.

Recently Ricky passed away. After Ricky's death, a CD was sent to Dave that contained Ricky's gospel songs. Dave played a song from that CD for me and Jordan. It was praising Jesus. My eyes moistened at the sound of his voice. The sound rang true - full of love for the Lord. Ricky had not said a word about his music. He lived his life for God...

With love,
Brian

Swami Steve

Dear Friends,

Driving down from Flagstaff to Sedona, AZ, I passed through a colorful forest corridor surrounded by sheer  stone mountains. Truly a natural wonder. Sedona is considered one of the most spiritual towns in the US. It is built upon red rock that has an uplifting vibration itself. Many of the stores sell products and services designed to uplifts one's consciousness.

I arrived at the Ashram of Awakening, and Swami Steve and Solar greeted me cordially. I set up Swamiji's picture with a vase of flowers and then sat down to meditate with several others. Every weekday in the evening, Swami Steve invites people to the Ashram to meditate for at least an hour. The doors are open to everyone. After a beautiful satsang, chanting the Perennial Mantra, Hare Krishna, Swami Steve took me to a diner for dinner and told me about his ego dissolution and recreation of the personality. If there is no ego, then whose voice speaks? Swami Steve spoke with enthusiasm and animation, and I felt at ease in his friendly presence. As I did not have a place to stay, he called Cynthia to see if she could house me. She graciously provided me with a comfortable room and bed.

That night, I met Cynthia, a gentle and kind being who welcomed me into her home. It was full of crystals - her good friends. We went to a crystal shop and crystal bowl shop where we had the opportunity to enjoy the healing energy. Each crystal bowl, beautifully crafted with fine stone, had a tone that resonated with a particular chakra and had a particular healing quality. The sound was angelic and deeply healing.

Every day, I went to the Ashram of Awakening to meditate with Swami Steve. He took me in as a student. We spoke about the path to Enlightenment. One morning, as he was speaking to me, my left ear started to ring with an electric current. "Keep your attention on this sound," he said. "This is the key to deeper states of awakening." He continued, "Place your awareness on the navel in the center of the abdomen and feel the Presence. Notice that when you are in this space, you won't feel the wind." Swami Steve spent hours every day helping me to deepen my awareness. My meditation deepened, and my ability to sit in silence for long periods of time increased. I treasure the moments spent with Swami Steve.

One night, I had a satsang planned at the ChocolaTree, a restaurant dedicated to raising the consciousness of people. I asked the hostess where I would be sitting and she guided me to the Shivalingam, a large stone right near the main register and main pathway of the servers. I spread out my yoga mat and looked out at all the people who were eating their food and chatting. This was not what I had expected. Who would want to connect to the spiritual energy or listen to dharma talk while eating lovely food? Who tastes the depths of the soul while enjoying the taste of chocolate? I accepted these circumstances in the midst of the bustling room of the restauant. As I began to play the harmonium, a young man walked up and placed a dollar in front of me along with a note:

"Your harmonium blossoms exquisite joy into being, as you let your heart sing into the devotion of the one. The Universe thunders in your divine beauty. Do you see who you are? A creator god in a body of light, a temple of pure joy. A divine lover of the spaces between the spaces. You have become One."

Who was this mysterious young man who wandered the world? Who am I? The entire room was captured for a moment. "Let us chant 3 OM's together" I said, and everyone chanted in unison. After this magical moment, everyone went back to their eating and chatting, and I sang my heart out, surrendering to the Energy of the sound that vibrates through eternity.

The last day in Sedona, I arrived at the Ashram to say goodbye. Manna, Solar and Swami Steve were there. They wanted me to play and sing music with the harmonium. So I played in honor of Swamiji. The sweet music filled the room. We took pictures together, particularly inspired by Solar who reminded me of Santa Claus. Solar is deeply aware the Self and is a mostly silent guide for my own path. He gave me a blessing and then I set out on my way. Such deep gratitude and love I feel for all the beings at the Ashram.

Always at Thy Feet,
Brian

The path begins with "yes"

Dear Friends,

Arriving in New Orleans, I went straight to Swan River Community Center, a donation-only yoga center led by Haiyan, to hold satsang. Then Haiyan and I drove to his home where I stayed for a week. As we entered the neighborhood, he said that some people call this part of New Orleans "the hood." Well, I love the hood. Haiyan and his family welcomed me with love and kindness.

Another day, we walked through the hood. Haiyan would greet his various neighbors on the way who sat on the front porch socializing. We reached a large garden where Meredith was tending to the plants and picking vegetables. Haiyan picked a harmless looking pepper and said, "Take a bite." So I bit into it and my nose almost caught on fire and my head nearly exploded. The burning continued for a few hours as Meredith, Haiyan, and I walked through the French quarter all the way to the Mississippi River. There we sat on a bench and a flamboyant man approached us.

"Nice shoes," he said, addressing me. "Let me tell you about life." And then he gave me a satsang about the deep lessons of life. I sat there with a sort of stunned look. Had I asked for this? He certainly was delighted to have a captivated audience as he spoke his poetic words and then walked off.

That evening, Meredith took us to a meditation and potluck. We climbed up on the roof overlooking the the neighborhood at night. Meredith's kundalini teacher led the meditation. "Say the mantra, Sa Re Ga Ma Pa Da Ni SaTaNaMA So Say etc in one deep breath, singing it over 2 octaves. I will time it for one hour and two minutes. Let's go!" Oh boy, if I had known what this entailed, I would have skipped the meditation. My voice could not reach the low notes nor the high notes. I breathed so much that my rib started to hurt again. That rib muscle had hurt for months after a prolonged sickness and coughing.

The first 40 minutes of the meditation, I wondered when it was going to end. It seemed much longer than an hour and 2 minutes. The last 22 minutes of the meditation, I suddenly crossed over a barrier and felt renewed. The rest of the meditation was easy. As we completed, I burst out laughing and the laughter peeled across the town below. This madness went on for a few minutes, and then my mind plunged into deep meditation. Some time later, we climbed back down to the kitchen and ate our feast. It was a lovely time.

As I cross over my perceived limits, I realize new possibilities, and the fears and struggles of life dissolve. The ultimate path of Spirit is going beyond all limits. And the path starts with one step...yes.

With love,
Brian

A great friend

Dear Friends,

In St. Louis, I visited a holy place called Living Insights. Jack takes care of this rare place of pilgrimage. The primary relic is a large life-size statue of St. Therese of Lisieux which hundreds of people come to visit to ask for blessings. And indeed, hundreds of miracles are reported out of these prayers. The energy at Living Insights is so strong that I experienced deep meditation and healing just walking through the door. There are statues and pictures of many saints, bodhisattvas, gods, and goddesses from many spiritual and religious traditions.

I joined Jack in one of his morning rituals. We walked around the many rooms, lighting candles in front of the statues, chanting holy mantras, praying for the world, and honoring all the great saints and deities. There are sections representing Hinduism, Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Native American, Buddhism, and many more traditions. There are also crystal singing bowls that Jack plays, stunning the mind into deeper meditation. In the smallest room, we sat amidst hundreds of highly blessed crystals, pictures, statues, and other rare objects that heal the mind, body, and soul. Chanting "Om Namah Shivaya" 108 times, my mind settled into a state of deep peace, communing with the power of Shiva.

Jack has given his life and resources to keep Living Insights alive. He welcomes each person with love and friendship. His manner is kindly - always in service. Many are attracted to Living Insights just to be with him. There is no fee for coming to visit. People may donate to support the cause. Jack has dedicated his life to nurturing this sacred space. Every morning he honors the deities, thus bringing their presence alive so powerfully in each room. People have given Living Insights so many rare relics that many of them are hidden behind each other. I am touched by Jack's offering to the world. May many more people have the opportunity to visit Jack and this holy temple.

In gratitude for Jack, a great friend...

Brian

Every Body in the fire

Dear Friends,

On Sunday, at the invitation of a wonderful friend in St. Louis named Barbara, I attended a purification lodge also known as a sweat lodge. It is an old Native American tradition in which people sit together inside a tent structure, sweating in the heat from the rocks in the middle. The inside is in complete blackness.

Everyone submits prayers and songs in honor of the divine. As the sweat pours out of the body, we are purified together. The physical nature of the environment is quite intense. Many times, I wondered if I would leave the lodge. My mind focused mostly on the physical discomfort, but the singing and prayer were very helpful in keeping the mind more focused on the spiritual purpose. By the end of the 3rd round, I was lying on the ground where the air was coolest, shouting out some of the songs. The purification lodge is such a beautiful place to send the positive energy of prayer out into the world. The lodgers were so loving and compassionate. I was happy to be with them and share in such an amazing experience.

My mind interpreted the lodge as an austerity - a choice to go beyond the comfort zone of the ego. By breaking through my comfort zone, I feel more comfortable in a wider variety of experiences. I don't resist life so much because I have gone through the fire. This is part of the spiritual path. When even difficult physical experiences do not bring the mind to body consciousness, I feel great progress.

May all beings be blessed with the challenges of life.

Warmly,

Brian