Facing fears

Dear Friends,
    I have found that the greatest spiritual practice is facing fears. Fear is my biggest block to greater realization. Fear of confrontation, fear of not having enough money, fear of awkwardness, fear of the cold, fear of the heat, fear of judgment. Fear leads to anxiety, nervousness, defensivness, and in general, a closing down of the heart. Naturally, I have contemplated on fears in order to see through their illusion. Yet when I am face to face with the situation, the fear comes once again. Here is a good example.

    To follow up with the possibility of setting up a satsang, I called a yoga studio and spoke with the owner, someone I did not know. I felt an uncontrollable fear that she would reject me or reprimand me, and my speech became awkward and muted. But I did not die. So I called the next studio with less fear. The more I put myself in this situation, the more confidence grows. This world gives so many opportunities to face my deepest fears. And when I meet them, I begin to stand up straighter and freely express myself, not suppressed by the fear. When I shake death's hand, a part of my ego dies, and Spirit is uncovered.

    I also notice that I suppress the feeling of fear for fear of showing any sign of fear to someone else. The belief is that it is a sign of weakness. For instance, trembling or shaking or shying away. Yet fully allowing the fear is a sign of vulnerability. A sign of authenticity. It is the dissolution of the "tough guy" persona. I don't try to hide fear from myself anymore. Who would I be without the "tough guy" costume? Someone willing to embrace the fearful boy inside...to accept him as he is. To let him be himself. When he gets to experience his fear, he is true to himself. He is so thankful to be given this chance. He is accepted. He is loved. This is the power of authenticity.

With love,
Brian

Bow Down?

Dear Friends,
    I have visited so many spiritual teachers and been exposed to so many gurus. Each one's expression is different. Each one has a different energy. I cannot say which one is the best. But it is very clear to me when a particular teacher resonates. And my mind may be open to one teaching more than another at different times. The more the mind is open, the more I fall in love with the teacher, the more my resistance falls away, the more powerfully the teachings flow through me. Indeed, the feelings of love and openness become the teacher and the teaching, and that is what I surrender to. The teacher represents the inner power within my own self. The guide comes in physical form to open the guide living within my self. Surrender to the master means surrendering to my higher self. Until my full potential is realized, it is a very valuable practice to attune to the Teacher. What I meditate on, I become. So why not meditate on the Teacher that has realized its divine potential?
    In 2008, I went to a retreat with Svami Purna in New York. The moment He walked into that bookstore, I was overwhelmed with emotion, and I knew that this Being would be my teacher for this lifetime and all future lifetimes. It was my desire to attune to this Being every second of the day for as long as the body breathed. When I say Being, I mean Presence, not the physical body. The body is a wonderful reminder of the Presence but not the actual Presence. So when I bow down to the physical body, I am actually bowing to the Presence which is beyond form, which is my own True Self. This may be difficult to understand because the True Self is beyond conception of mind. Bowing to the Teacher is a sign of love and reverence to the One True Self. This is why we say "namaste" when we greet one another. I bow to the Divine in you. That which is pure love, peace, and joy. Let us worship these qualities and as we do, we become their very essence.

With Love,
Brian

Wander for Truth Online Events

Dear Friends,
    You can watch satsangs online through http://www.ustream.tv/channel/wander-for-truth. We hold live events here which are announced at http://www.facebook.com/SatsangWithBrianLottman. You can "like" this page which will inform you of any future postings on this page. On www.wanderfortruth.com, there is a Mailing List tab to sign up for e-mails regarding future events too.

    It is quite powerful to set an intention to connect to the energy of the satsang as it begins. Let go of all resistance and opinions and just surrender to the power of the gathering. Be open and in a mode of receiving. The words can be nice, but they are a doorway into the realm beyond. Feel the subtle energy and sink into this feeling. This energy will meditate you and heal your being. The deeper you go into meditation, the more you may be healed. Enjoy your Self!

With love,
Brian

Sadhana

Dear Friends,
    What is sadhana? Practices that lead one to the realization of the True Nature of Spirit. One can focus either on the attractions of the material world or on the attractions of Spirit. I spent most of my life trying to chase after pleasures and run away from pain. The more I focused on physical pleasures, the more I started to believe, "I am the body and mind." The more I let go of the desires for physical pleasures, the more I started to feel less bound by body and mind. Without physical addictions, the mind does not race after so many thoughts and it can just relax into being. Of course, this is a long process. The mind has millions of desires. The last thing it wants to do is stop thinking. Yet when we stop thinking, the spiritual world opens up like a flower. So many beautiful qualities of love, peace, and joy spring forth from our spiritual garden. I found it a great challenge to let go of desires until I started to feel a spark of these qualities. Then it was easy to choose the beauty of the spiritual world over addictions to the earthly world.
    But at first, I needed to build faith. Some beings tap into a marvelous spirtual world so it is possible. Also I sought the connection to others who were in communion with Spirit. With their energetic support, I could more quickly start to resonate with spiritual qualities. Swami Purna has been the primary catalyst for this growth. Now sadhana has become a more natural way of life. Not so arduous. In fact, I welcome difficult times. They are doorways to further letting go of the mind's attachments of the way life should go. Challenges become the medicine I need for deepening realization of Spirit. For instance, I usually have nothing to say at a satsang so fear of the unknown arises. What if people don't like the satsang? As I let go into the unknown, the layers of fear dissolve, and words flow forth quite effortlessly. Where did they come from? Who is speaking them? This is a mystery. Everything becomes possible in this river of Grace. Let go of the sides of the river and go with the current. We are all taken care of.

Love,
Brian

Why vegetarian?

Dear Friends,
   Someone at the Christmas party asked me why I don't eat animals. Perhaps I can start with the most basic principal. This world is created by a Power beyond comprehension. It is the Creator of manifestation and therefore, manifestation itself. It is infinite. It has no limits. It is the Power we worship. Since it is infinite, God is the human, the air, the grass, and the turkey all at once. Therefore, I will try my best to treat my Creator with utmost love and respect. Christ is another name for this Infinite Presence.
    Turkeys, like humans, very much want to live. They run away when I try to kill them just like humans do. They have babies just like humans. They take care of their babies just like humans. They talk to each other just like humans. They are an embodiment of this Infinite Presence. So naturally, my heart reaches out to the turkey. Feels compassion for the turkey whose half-eaten corpse lies on the table on the day of the celebration of Christ.
    Imagine if I had to go out and kill the turkey myself so I can enjoy eating it. It would be very hard for me to kill a turkey. I see the bird alive before my very eyes. It would scream and gobble in terror as I cut its throat! It is an aspect of my own Beloved.
    Imagine if I took care of a pet turkey since he was born, and I named him Angel. Now if my pet turkey was killed by someone for their Christmas dinner, I would be deeply sad. I took care of Angel like my own son, and now he is gone.
    On the other hand, the fruits from a tree are ready to be picked. They are bowing down to earth for the nourishment of other beings on this earth. It is difficult to avoid killing life, but I can try my best according to my body's capacity. It took about 2 years of adapting to the vegetarian lifestyle before my body could accept it. And it helped me to expand my love for the Divine Presence.
    I pray for the poor turkey who is sacrificed for human hunger. May we see the Divine Presence in our lovely turkeys and give them all the support we can.

With Love,
Brian
   

A Lotus Flower

Dear Friends,
    When I arrived in Orlando, Rafael presented me with a painting of a lotus flower. He said that he was inspired to paint it when he found out that I was coming to do satsangs at his home. The painting was a gift to Swami Purna - an offering from the depths of his heart. To Rafael, Swami Purna was coming to bless his home. "Let me clean up my home for my Beloved," he said. And Rafael was delighted to clean his home.
    You see, when Rafael showed me his painting, tears welled in my eyes. There is no greater gift than devotion to the Lord. "It was easy to paint," said Rafael. "I just thought of Swamiji and the painting came." He hung this painting above the picture of Swamiji in the satsang room.
    I am happy to sit under this painting and hold gatherings here. The pink lotus flower is a representation of the human heart open to divine love. When the heart is saturated by this love, the world becomes an ocean of nectar. As a lotus flower, we cannot be stained by the muddy waters around us. We remain untouched, beautiful, open to the shining sun of Grace.

A lotus takes birth
'Midst clay and stagnant ponds
Standing clear and sound
Of clinging mud and water
Sunwards bound
Awaiting its time...
Preparing the ground...
It opens at dawn,
Brilliance abound,
Flowering of purity
Eternal sound
Manifestation of truth
Of being, newly found.

by Svami Purna

Love,
Brian

Passion for God

Dear Friends,

    We held satsang at the home of Nicolas, Reny, Michel and Rafael. Michel and Rafael spent a couple days setting up a very beautiful room. Building a stage. Decorating with plants and candles. Michel created a bookstore. Nicolas arranged lighting. Rafael painted a large lotus flower overhanging the stage. The room turned out to be be quite stunning...all centered around a picture of Svami Purna, the One we honor.

    After satsang, I contemplated the nature of my expression. It is centered on one principal: the passion for God. Do I want God more than everything else? Look at all the possible distractions in this world. I want approval, I want tasty foods, I want security. The desires are endless. Who created all of this? How do I bring the attention so completely on the Creator that I am consumed in this obsession. I eat God, I breathe God, I dream about God, I see God, I speak about God. It pains me deeply to think about anything else even for one second. I cannot live without Thy presence, Oh Lord. Perhaps this unquenchable desire will inspire people to jump into the fire too. My “house” is burning down in this fire. Once this fire catches, it is so hot that nothing survives. Come with me and jump into the fire. Let us burn together. 

    Oh Lord, lead us from untruth to truth, from darkness to light, from death to immortality. Let us sing songs to Thee through eternity. Thou hast given everything to us. Thou art life itself. May we give it back to Thee. It has always been Thine.

With love,

Brian