Every Body in the fire

Dear Friends,

On Sunday, at the invitation of a wonderful friend in St. Louis named Barbara, I attended a purification lodge also known as a sweat lodge. It is an old Native American tradition in which people sit together inside a tent structure, sweating in the heat from the rocks in the middle. The inside is in complete blackness.

Everyone submits prayers and songs in honor of the divine. As the sweat pours out of the body, we are purified together. The physical nature of the environment is quite intense. Many times, I wondered if I would leave the lodge. My mind focused mostly on the physical discomfort, but the singing and prayer were very helpful in keeping the mind more focused on the spiritual purpose. By the end of the 3rd round, I was lying on the ground where the air was coolest, shouting out some of the songs. The purification lodge is such a beautiful place to send the positive energy of prayer out into the world. The lodgers were so loving and compassionate. I was happy to be with them and share in such an amazing experience.

My mind interpreted the lodge as an austerity - a choice to go beyond the comfort zone of the ego. By breaking through my comfort zone, I feel more comfortable in a wider variety of experiences. I don't resist life so much because I have gone through the fire. This is part of the spiritual path. When even difficult physical experiences do not bring the mind to body consciousness, I feel great progress.

May all beings be blessed with the challenges of life.

Warmly,

Brian

Insecurity

Dear Friends,
   Recently I was speaking to a woman about why "bad" things happen to people. I said that the world revolves around karma. If you have done good, good will come to you. If you have done bad, bad will come to you. Her voice started to rise. "Well, what about the girl who is put into a prostitution situation when she is very young. Do you believe she deserves it?" "Well," I said, "in this case it would be best to bring compassion to the situation." "But you believe in karma," she said. "I'm not interested in arguing about it. In this situation, it would be nice to bring compassion and let go of the karma idea right now."
    I found the feeling of insecurity and fear coming up in my being. I wanted her approval and found that I was striving to get that approval the entire time I was visiting her. Even just a warm nod or the word "yes." Approval would somehow fill a void inside that said, "Maybe I'm wrong and I don't know what I'm talking about. I really want to hear approval from the outside world. Then I'll be whole and complete. If she likes me, I can like myself." Why did I want to convince her? Because I want to feel right. I want agreement. Then it would alleviate the feeling inside that says, "I'm wrong. I'm scared if others discover that."
     I also fear "attack." If someone reprimands me for what I've said, I feel like I've been a "bad boy." So I spend time always trying to appease the one who does not approve. I never talk back. In fact, my being usually shuts down and shirks in the face of "attack."
    I am very happy to meet this woman. If I surrounded myself with people who always agreed with what I said, these deeper feelings of insecurity and fear would never come to the surface to release. So she became the key to unlock a deeper part of the mind that I would need to see sooner or later.
    Oh Lord, please bring these challenges to me so that I may face my fears and insecurities. Otherwise, I will not be able to see You clearly. Oh Lord, I am ready to face my deepest darkness. Thank you for your Grace.

With love,
Brian

Bowing in humility

Dear Friends,
    Yesterday Uncle Ted, Aunt Madolyn, cousin Lizzie, and I picked apples from the trees in an orchard. Many of the trees bowed low to give the fruit. This is the spirit of Mother Earth. Humbly she bows in service to the humans and gives in abundance. That is why some people worship Her. She is the one who provides everything that the body is made of. How can we give back to Her? She has given so much.
    In the even, I traveled 2 hours north to Port Huron with Kailash, Krishnamoyi, and Atmaram to hold a kirtan at a retreat. I was planning to watch, but Atmaram asked me to sit with them and lead 2 songs. That was a surprise, and I was very happy to serve. The Energy was beautiful, and the people were so appreciative of the event.
    As we headed back, we were eating the apples that had been picked that morning. Aunt Madolyn had suggested I bring some of this delightful fruit. Atmaram explained the benefits of sharing kirtan - chanting of the Holy Names of God. Ask others to join in the music and practice together. Each person who joins in the practice becomes a servant of the Lord and also has the opportunity to immerse him or herself into the Energy. Then the music is not so much focused on a one person performance, but rather a community coming together to share in the Communion. Yes, each person is an aspect of the Divine. No one is higher or lower. The mind believes in separation.
    There is only One Being...infinite...whole...complete... Thank you, Swamiji!

With love,
Brian

The panic button

Dear Friends,
   Two nights ago, I arrived at my uncle's and aunt's home very early in the morning. Uncle Ted had promised open the door after I had rung the doorbell. So I brought my bags up to the front door and rang the bell. No one came. No lights. Just silence. I pressed the button again and used the knocker. No response. Wondering and waiting for a while, I walked back to the van and fell asleep inside.
    Then waking up, I went to the front door again and rang the bell. No response. Going back to the van, I crawled inside and accidentally pressed the Panic button on the keyring. The van started to honk loudly and repeatedly in the dead of the night. I dropped the key in the darkness and started to grope on the floor. Finally, I pressed the button again and the sound stopped. I froze on the floor of the car, wondering if anyone would come out to see what was happening. I remember the last time I was here a year ago. A neighbor was suspicious of a person in black hoodie doing yoga on the grass in the backyard and had called my uncle to report the suspicious activity. Now I was afraid... "not again." Here is the blog from a year ago: http://wanderfortruth.blogspot.com/2012/09/yogi-in-black-hoodie.html
    So I crouched for a while between the seats, watching for neighbors' shadows in the dark and listening for the sound of police sirens. No one appeared. So I crawled to the back and lay in bed until my uncle finally came out to get me. It was 3am. He had been in a deep sleep and had not heard a sound of the drama that had unfolded outside his door.
    Someone in my being, I have a strong fear of being embarrassed or humiliated. Why? Well, when I was young, I went through the same sorts of events and they made a deep impression on the psyche. Perhaps it is good to be embarrassed once a while...to find out, "What am I scared of?"

With love,
Brian

Divine Mother

Dear Friend,

The Divine Mother is the power of Creation itself. She is the Ultimate Intelligence that holds Creation together. She is the Love, Joy and Abundance of the Cosmos. We can install Her in our Heart by worshiping her. Chanting mantras to Her. Treating every one and thing as Her. Expressing our love for Her through acts of kindness and service. Just recognizing Her Power and Benevolence. The more we attune to the Creative Force of the universe, the more this Energy flows through every aspect of our being. It transforms all our thought and actions, so that we are in complete service to Her Power. She runs the life, and we are delighted to surrender at Her Feet.

As Swamiji is the Divine Mother, I am constantly focused on His Energy. The more I am attuned to Him, the more powerfully the Energy runs through my heart - like the Ganges River. It creates such Love and Joy that I naturally want to share It with others. Indeed, there is nothing I would rather do. Nothing compares to It. I feel like shouting It from the highest mountain. I cry at night because of It. It overwhelms my being.

Satsang is a chance for all of us to connect to Him and bring the Divine Mother into our lives more fully and completely. So when we are doing our daily tasks, instead of seeing separate things, we see the Grace of the Divine Mother blessing us around every corner. We cannot escape Her.

Oh Holy Mother, you are my very soul, you are my life, my mind, and my body. Please run this life as You desire. I cannot claim anything as my own. You are the only One.

With love,
Brian

www.ustream.tv/recorded/36533693

Whispering satsang

Dear Friends,
Yesterday I woke up with a sore throat. Gradually the voice grew more hoarse until it virtually disappeared in the evening. I had planned 2 satsangs that evening. One of them, I played the harmonium during an asana class. I cancelled the other one since we had planned to sing kirtan. Who wants to listen to the sound of silence? Not many.

This morning, I had a satsang online. So like the great Yogi, Baba Hari Dass, I wrote down words on a piece of paper to communicate with people. Unlike him, I whispered the mantras in the the microphone. Not certain if anyone online heard a word of it. But it appeared that John, my roommate, enjoyed it. It is interesting to note how much I wanted to speak. What would I do as a silent yogi? Whispering satsangs are fun...but I have doubts about whether anyone would want to sit with the "silent sadhu." Maybe when I can happily be in silence all the time, others will be happy to sit with me.

With love,
Brian

Joy of Kirtan

Dear Friends,
    Yesterday I went to see David Newman in the Dallas area. He is a wandering minstrel, playing uplifting spiritual music around the world. His music is loving and sweet, and the Energy is blissful and joyous. He plays music for the love of Neem Karoli Baba, a great Saint of the 20th century. I am so thankful to join in his his kirtan. Kirtan is an opportunity to commune with one's Divine Essence through music. Everyone joins together on a beautiful ride into the Spiritual Heart, chanting the holy name of God. As David says, each chant means, "Thank you, God, I love you, God."

Here is a link to a song that represents what David brings to the world.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0p2Dx9TsKX8&feature=youtu.be

With love,
Brian