Captured by Love

Dear Friends,

During my first satsang in Virginia Beach, I looked out in the "audience" and saw a beautiful, heart-warming smile. Her face lit up the church. After the gathering, people came up to me, one by one, to get a blessing. She faced me and looked into my eyes and then gave me a beaded bracelet. I said, "Put your phone number on the e-mail sheet, and we can get together to talk about your spiritual path."

A week later, I called her, and we planned to meet one evening. I drove over under the stormy green sky, eager to see her. I arrived, and there was an immediate connection. The time passed like a dream. We danced and laughed and prayed together, and I was entranced by her gentle love and dazzling beauty. I spent the night and the next day, told her I would be back for the last 4 days of my stay in Virginia Beach. That weekend, I felt anxious and nervous, I lost my appetite, and I felt quite bruised down there.

Then I woke up one morning and decided to say goodbye. So I  arrived on Monday evening, and she was very excited to see me. She gave me an orange shawl to wear. I felt scared to tell her. "It is too difficult for me to stay here for four days, so I'm leaving tonight. Remember that I am a renunciant. In fact, orange is the color of renunciation." Not very affected by this statement, she encouraged me to stay for dinner. Indeed, it seems that she just wanted to enjoy the time that we had together. During the evening, she embraced me and "stole" kisses. And in one timeless moment, she kissed my face gently, and I stood in meditation. It was so lovely, and yet, a part of my mind was detached, witnessing the play of Maya. This moment spoke to me. No matter how beautiful the outside world appeared, I was letting it go and diving into the inner world. That inner world was so far beyond any outer sensual experience. Indeed, I had developed some dispassion.

And so, after a soft kiss under the night sky, I drove away, trying to shake off the anxiety. And she walked back to her home, glowing with love. I remembered that I had wanted to experience falling in love with someone, and this was given to me. And yet, in the depths of meditation, the desire was dissolving. I have fallen in love with this Creator...the Creator who has carved her with His own hands. Oh, Lord, I only want You!

With love,
Brian