We had a beautiful satsang at Yoganize Yoga Studio near Greenville, SC. It was coordinated by a beautiful being named Jen. I arrived at the studio with no plan. In fact, depression was coming up strongly over the last two days. When I sat down, the mind became quite still and a flow of words poured out of this emptiness. Witnessing the flow was something quite astonishing. Language and imagery appeared that I had not heard before. Meditation techniques I had never conceived of. Who was in charge now? It certainly wasn't I. It was guiding the satsang. Somehow I had stepped out of the way, and a more charismatic leader-type being had stepped in. The energy wasn't mine, the expression wasn't mine, the words, the voice. It couldn't be identified.
I'm forgetting who I was. I can't describe the former personality. I can't remember much of what has happened over the past 3 months. It is a sort of disorientation. When one moves around so much, there is no place to land or settle. Nothing to hold onto. It feels like falling into emptiness and letting go of the objects of this world. I don't have a home or a name.
The sense of identity is just a thought. Thoughts come and go. Why cling to a thought of identity? Consciousness is so much more vast than the thought of "me." I suffer because there is an identification with pain. My pain. If there is no central identity, how can there be suffering? There is no one to suffer! On the other hand, as I identity with the body, this identity continues to be born in a body over and over again. A body is a speck in the cosmos. Why pretend to be a limited speck in such a vast creation? There is so much more possibility!
Imagine that the universe is just one unified field of consciousness. Only the mind makes up differences and creates time, space, and distance. Perhaps the passing thoughts of the mind are not as important as we make them up to be. May you realize who you really are without the mind. And then there is only You. Pure awareness. Truth. Love. Peace. And Beyond.