Amazing Grace

Dear Friends,
    I stayed with Glen at his apartment in Rockwood, TN. Glen brought me to a powerful waterfall that he calls his temple. Ah, the magnificence of this place. Its energy is quite conducive to meditation and devotion. Water thunders down a hundred foot drop and lands in a beautiful pool surrounded by layered rock walls. Human bodies are tiny at the foot of these grand rock walls.
    Glen's apartment complex is inhabited by people age 55 and older. One afternoon, the complex felt a bit lonely and sad and silent. So I took my harmonium and sat down on a blanket in the middle of the complex, lit a candle for Swamiji, and started to play. Slowly but surely, people started to emerge from their rooms. A couple of them rolled up in their wheelchairs, staring in wonder as the sound of "Amazing Grace" filled the air. Others peeked from behind the concrete pillars; others sat on a bench nearby and smiled. Some stood in a dark corner, listening from a distance. As the song ended, a man in a wheelchair rolled up to me and gave me a $5 bill. "God Bless You," he said. I played a few more songs. Another man who is very spiritually oriented asked me about my trip and after I had responded, he said, "God man, it's like we're twins!" For a while, some of the onlookers seemed uplifted. And the energy of the complex felt lighter. As the last song faded away, I bowed down to Him, then picked up the harmonium and went back to the apartment. I had felt awkward the whole time and did not particularly want to play in public. But it seems some other force is in charge now. May all those at the Rockwood apartments be healed by the light of God. May they be surrounded by the beauty of Grace. Om.

Love,
Brian

Oh Mary Don't You Weep

Dear Friends,
     Driving many miles northeast, I arrived in a little village nested in the hills of West Virginia called Hillsboro. I saw the beautiful community coming together to share their homes, gardens and music. In the morning I went with Lynmarie to milk the goats. After I had squeezed out a few drops, the goat finished her food and kicked over the bucket, spilling out the milked I had worked so hard to obtain. Why cry over spilt milk? Taking a deep breath, I let go of the frustration and handed the teats over to Lynn Marie. She was most adept with milking and so loving with the goats. Rather than trying to get out as much milk as possible, I learned how to love a goat instead - through Lynmarie's example of love. Goats have unique personalities, and they can give milk for years if they are taken care of. I enjoyed goat cheese later.
     One night, I listened to Josh and Lynmarie sing "Oh Mary Don't You Weep." God protected her from the Pharoah. Christ had a destiny to fulfill. Mary, you are safe. Nothing can go wrong. I imagine feeling safe all the time, and the clutching in my abdomen lets go. Oh Dear God, thank you for Thy protection. Whatever happens is Thy will, not mine. Everything happens out of Thy Love, the Love for Thy children. Oh Mary don't you weep, have faith in this Love. In faith, all fear dissolves.
     I pray that all beings may feel safe, that all beings may rest deeply knowing that God protects. Each breath is given by Him. Thank you, Oh Lord, for Thy breath. The Breath of Life.

With love,
Brian

Out of nothing flows something

Dear Friends,
     We had a beautiful satsang at Yoganize Yoga Studio near Greenville, SC. It was coordinated by a beautiful being named Jen. I arrived at the studio with no plan. In fact, depression was coming up strongly over the last two days. When I sat down, the mind became quite still and a flow of words poured out of this emptiness. Witnessing the flow was something quite astonishing. Language and imagery appeared that I had not heard before. Meditation techniques I had never conceived of. Who was in charge now? It certainly wasn't I. It was guiding the satsang. Somehow I had stepped out of the way, and a more charismatic leader-type being had stepped in. The energy wasn't mine, the expression wasn't mine, the words, the voice. It couldn't be identified.
    I'm forgetting who I was. I can't describe the former personality. I can't remember much of what has happened over the past 3 months. It is a sort of disorientation. When one moves around so much, there is no place to land or settle. Nothing to hold onto. It feels like falling into emptiness and letting go of the objects of this world. I don't have a home or a name.
    The sense of identity is just a thought. Thoughts come and go. Why cling to a thought of identity? Consciousness is so much more vast than the thought of "me." I suffer because there is an identification with pain. My pain. If there is no central identity, how can there be suffering? There is no one to suffer! On the other hand, as I identity with the body, this identity continues to be born in a body over and over again. A body is a speck in the cosmos. Why pretend to be a limited speck in such a vast creation? There is so much more possibility!
    Imagine that the universe is just one unified field of consciousness. Only the mind makes up differences and creates time, space, and distance. Perhaps the passing thoughts of the mind are not as important as we make them up to be. May you realize who you really are without the mind. And then there is only You. Pure awareness. Truth. Love. Peace. And Beyond.

With love,
Brian

Meeting God in Nature

Dear Friends,
    Norma assigned me task. To gather sticks. I went down to the wooded yard, collected a bunch, and brought it inside for the stove heater. Finished my little seva task for the day... What is missing? I said to myself. Most of life is a series of tasks. I finished sleep, I'm done with breakfast, I did my meditation, I completed a retreat. The more tasks I finish, the more productive I feel. Then when the body is dying, I look back at all the tasks completed and wonder, "What is the point?"
    So I looked back out at the trees and contemplated. Here were these majestic trees providing blessed shade and oxygen to this home. They shed pieces of their body, and I took these limbs to burn in a fire so that my body could stay warm and comfortable. They never asked for anything back. They never complained or bragged. I thanked the trees for their generosity. Then the mind asked who created the trees for our enjoyment. The Creator. Ah, the Creator resided in these trees. They weren't just trees. I prayed for the Creator that gave of Itself. I praise the Creator. I sings songs for the Creator. I can't stop because that is all there is to do in life. Every action, every thought is dedicated to Him. So I keep singing for Him. And Love springs from this Song like an endless spring.
    Norma and I went on a hike, and I saw Him there. Towering green trees over the trail, golden sunlight shimmering through the leaves, cascades of waterfalls passing over and under gigantic boulders, gnarled roots winding over the ground, clear blue sky and clean air. I was in awe. I meet God in Nature and bow down to the tremendous beauty that He displays. Wherever I look or sense, He is there. Resting in the awe.

With love,
Brian

Stripped naked

Dear Friends,
    A few days ago, I spoke to a friend and medical intuitive about the kidneys. "The body needs to urinate too often," I said. He told me I was being exposed to toxins in the environment. In fact, there were three chemicals inside Persistence that weakened the kidneys. Petrochemical, gas, and pesticide. "You could get a new vehicle," he said. I couldn't afford that option. "You could clean the carpet." That was a good idea. The next two days, it poured in Banner Elk, NC. When the weather cleared a bit, I went down to see Persistence. Inside the van, I notice the carpet was damp. Wiping a hand across the floor, I was shocked to see my palm covered in oil. When I spoke to Norma about this, she suggested to take out all the carpet and the floor boards all the way to the metal. I sat down. My body had been exhausted all day. Norma picked up the phone and invited a good friend to come over and strip the van. "Better get started taking out your stuff," she said to me. So I spent the next two hours unscrewing bolts and removing almost everything. Victor arrived and we took out the bed and cabinet and unscrewed the second battery and solar panel connections. Then he cut out most of the carpet, and we tore out large pieces of foam and underboards. In the darkness of night, after the floor was swept and wiped, we put the bed and cabinet back inside. It had been two and a half hours of activity. With his concentration and dedication, Victor had saved me. Praise to the power of Shakti. She can achieve anything.
     Today, Persistence is stripped to the metal. Purified with vinegar and baking soda. Norma has kindly offered to create a team in Miami to rebuild the van's floor and stop up all the holes. Her ability to get things done is a rare talent. In fact, had it not been for her push, I would have just lived with the chemicals until it was intolerable. Yes, my laziness is a rare talent too.
    Persistence is a shell now. As her floor was stripped away, so has mine. I'm doing jobs that I've never done before - very physical and somewhat mechanical. Clearing away beliefs of "I can't do it" and "it's too much work." I am a shell. Now all I need is a new floor - clean and insulated. So I cannot be harmed by the harsh elements of the world, so I can stand on dry ground. The inside of my vehicle is being restructured and rebuilt. Taking the road of purification. I'm ready.

Love,
Brian

A Gift

Dear Friends,
    Lora travels slowly in life. Why? Because she's always looking for the little things to give back to her Beloved. Her Beloved who has given so much and never asked for anything in return. Thank you, Lora, for your kind and thoughtful manner. You are so giving, you are a gift.

With love,
Brian

As all is lost, everything is gained

Dear Friends,
    The day after I received darshan with Swamiji, I got a phone call from a company holding a lot of my savings. I sat in my van, Persistence, looking out at the wooded campground. It was beautiful day in Hawley, PA.
    "I have an update regarding this investment," said the voice. "Since the crash a few years ago, it appears that it will not be turning out as we planned. The money is lost." The man continued to explain as I listened in silence. I think he expected some sort of reaction.
    After I had asked a couple of questions, I said, "Thank you so much for letting me know." And I hung up the phone. "Thank you, Swamiji," I whispered to myself.

    This money had been my safety blanket, and now it was gone. Suddenly, grief struck at my heart, and tears fell from my eyes. For all these years, I had spent my life force worshiping money as my God. Why had I wasted so many years worshiping money when I could have given my heart to the Real One? I had missed my Beloved all these years. How could I have rejected Him for so long, giving my heart to a cold piece of metal? The clouds around my heart started to part, and the sunlight poured inside. My vision changed, and the colors of manifestation became a sparkling rainbow.

    This afternoon, I received a message from Paypal saying that I had  received a donation from someone unexpectedly. I wept in gratitude for Divine Grace that wants to support this journey I am taking. I stand naked in this world, giving my life to the One who takes care of me, storing my savings with this One. No longer can I worship money. I turn my face to the Light like a child seeing his Mother for the first time.

Hari Om,
Brian