I spent a lot of time in a particular town, holding satsangs almost every other day, and the gatherings were growing. So much enthusiasm about the Truth! Perhaps one day, I could settle in such a place. One person in particular really spread the word through her passionate interest in the teachings. She housed me, fed me, and invited so many people to join in these satsangs. At the end of my stay, we parted in tears of gratitude, and I drove away to the next stage of the journey, promising to return to do it again. Recently I discovered that she had moved on and no longer wanted to be a part of it.
My reaction is multi-dimensional. Did I do something wrong? Perhaps I had not reached out enough after my departure. Perhaps I had abandoned her. This is so mysterious. Why did this happen? Then another fearful feeling... I was attached to finding a place to settle where people are excited about Truth. Would this ever happen? Or perhaps, all of the gardens would die away, and I would have no place to go. Would all my work be for nothing? Perhaps I had not made a lasting impact anywhere. I have given up my previous life, and now I have nothing. No material things, no enduring satsang communities, no place to live... What is left of my life?
Realization came into my mind. My purpose is not to find a place to settle and set up an ashram. It is only to share the Energy with others. Friendships are never permanent, no matter how deep the connection. Ultimately this body is going to pass on. As one door closes, another one is revealed where I may be of more service. And finally, these satsang gardens are not mine nor I am responsible for the crowds of people that come. It is only the flow of the Energy. I must let go and surrender everything to the Divine Movement. Everything happens for the highest good. And finally, I am trying the best I can. I am ready to learn from my mistakes. I don't know how to be a good friend. Please teach me, Mother Maya. Whatever you want, I am at Your service.