Monday, September 9, 2013

The panic button

Dear Friends,
   Two nights ago, I arrived at my uncle's and aunt's home very early in the morning. Uncle Ted had promised open the door after I had rung the doorbell. So I brought my bags up to the front door and rang the bell. No one came. No lights. Just silence. I pressed the button again and used the knocker. No response. Wondering and waiting for a while, I walked back to the van and fell asleep inside.
    Then waking up, I went to the front door again and rang the bell. No response. Going back to the van, I crawled inside and accidentally pressed the Panic button on the keyring. The van started to honk loudly and repeatedly in the dead of the night. I dropped the key in the darkness and started to grope on the floor. Finally, I pressed the button again and the sound stopped. I froze on the floor of the car, wondering if anyone would come out to see what was happening. I remember the last time I was here a year ago. A neighbor was suspicious of a person in black hoodie doing yoga on the grass in the backyard and had called my uncle to report the suspicious activity. Now I was afraid... "not again." Here is the blog from a year ago:
    So I crouched for a while between the seats, watching for neighbors' shadows in the dark and listening for the sound of police sirens. No one appeared. So I crawled to the back and lay in bed until my uncle finally came out to get me. It was 3am. He had been in a deep sleep and had not heard a sound of the drama that had unfolded outside his door.
    Someone in my being, I have a strong fear of being embarrassed or humiliated. Why? Well, when I was young, I went through the same sorts of events and they made a deep impression on the psyche. Perhaps it is good to be embarrassed once a find out, "What am I scared of?"

With love,

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